Over-Analyzed Movies – Brave

When the news broke that Steve Jobs died, I was decently distraught. Not because he made my MacBook or he dreamed up the iPhone, but because he was a joint founder of the great company that is Pixar. That company is arguably the foundation of my childhood, and I am honored to know that. Now before I begin, lets start with a little history lesson. Pixar, originally was a branch of Lucasfilm (yes, your Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Lucasfilm) and was later funded by Steve Jobs himself as well as partnered with Disney. It was all about this fancy animation computer called the Pixar Image Computer.

What makes Pixar so great (besides the amazing animation, spectacular writing, and whimsical stories) was the fact that they were building computer animation as they went, which is why so many people wanted in. And Pixar needed money, so Disney became a big part of Pixar. But the sweatshop that is Disney began crushing John Lasseter’s dreams and ideas. So, like a true badass, he basically told them all to shove it and made his own amazing company that, in 20 years, made eleven of the best films on the face of the planet. Now before you all correct me, I know they’ve made thirteen movies and have been open for 26 years. I ignore the last 2 films and the last 6 years.

And it’s all Disney’s fault. In 2006, Disney bought Pixar for $7.2 billion and then screwed up the whole company. The first film they made fully under Disney’s dictatorship was Cars 2. And it sucked. Because they only made it because Cars was the highest grossing film in merchandise Pixar had ever made. And therefore, the living embodiment of gluttony and greed that is Disney decided to milk it as long as they could, even if that meant making a crappy movie and soiling Pixar’s reputation.

Now if you’ve stuck with me through that whole history rant/lesson, thank you. We’re best friends now. Can you just wait a moment while I get all the lazy pricks that quit early back on track. This is where I actually start talking about Brave! Are we all back now? Good.

I didn’t bother to see Cars 2, but I had hope for Brave. The commercials looked great and like another amazing Pixar film. Maybe Disney was finally doing what they did with Marvel and letting them do their thing while just taking their money. But no. Brave was exactly the amazing, witty movie I expected from the commercials… for the first half hour. Then it turned into a generic piece of Disney crap with gimmicky jokes and unoriginal story. (Spoiler alert) The first half hour was the amazing story of a strong princess fighting for her right to stay independent. But it turns out that that was just a weak lead in for a crappy “Oh no! A witch tricked me, now I must learn to love again” Disney story line. It’s like they dangled a true Pixar film in front of me and then snatched it away.

But what really made me mad was this: Go google “Brave” for me real quick. Click on the “Images” tab. What do you see? Is there anything in any of those pictures that indicates that her mom turns into a damn bear?! No! None of them. And by the way, she only uses her bow and arrow (that she so blatantly flaunts in every commercial) like 3 times in the actual story line and none of them actually help her mom. (Another instance of Disney using dumb gimmicks by jumping on the “bow and arrow bandwagon” started by The Hunger Games and Hawkeye.)

In the end, it wasn’t a bad movie. But it’s like if you’re expecting a glass of juice and get a mouthful of milk. I was expecting a mouthful of Pixar storyline, and instead, got a gulp of Disney.

© 2014, Kassi Butler. All rights reserved.

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